ɢɪᴀɴᴛ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴᴏɪᴅ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴜʀᴇs sɪɢʜᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀɴᴛᴀʀᴄᴛɪᴄ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀs (ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ)

It’s bad enough Antarctica is overrun with poisonous penguins and zombie seagulls. Now there’s solid evidence of yet another reason to fear the land of ice and snow: Ningen, a cross between an armless polar bear and an ice Yeti.

These rare photos of the elusive beast, provided by the mayor-honored folks at Pink Tentacle, prove conclusively, that Ningen is a film-ready cryptid to be avoided and/or the subject of 100% cotton T-shirts. Hey, it beats chasing down the legendary Radioactive Snowman who, I’m beginning to suspect, is pure myth based upon the blubber smoking hallucinations of stupid hippie Eskimos.

Pink Tentacle goes on to say that “the Ningen are said to be completely white in color with an estimated length of 20 to 30 meters. Eyewitnesses describe them as having a human-like shape, often with legs, arms, and even five-fingered hands. Sometimes they are characterized as having fins or a large mermaid-like tail instead of legs. The only visible facial features are the eyes and mouth.”

I’m thinkin’ ick. But then everything from Antarctica goons me out. But I may not have to worry if I ever vacation in that area as the Ningen are reportedly shy, submerging beneath the frigid waves when any whaling boats loaded with tourists sail by. This is good as I was worried that the Ningen would overturn my vessel, get all my stuff wet, and eat my brains, leaving what’s left to zombie seagulls to feast verily upon.

If you don’t wanna go to Antarctica – and I don’t blame you – stop by YouTube™ and take a look at reputed film footage of the brain-eating Ningen.

I’m thinkin’ the Ningen is custom made for a horror movie about a boat load of bloggers who, while out floating around instead of digging up better things to post, encounter the mythical beast, who captures them after a horrific and bloody snowball fight, and makes everyone work in its ice caves, harvesting cubes for a variety of fine adult beverages, like the Ningen Margarita or the Baby Seal Slushee.

I should stop while I’m ahead.

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